On the way home an evening last week I came across an article on ‘Ghosting – The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with a person without any prior notice to them, the ‘ghostee’. This person could be a friend or someone you were dating. The hope is that this person will get the hint and move on.’ So you basically just drop of that persons radar. The person ceases to exist to you and vice versa. It is also know as ‘The Slow Fade’
The article raised the question of whether it was right to ghost. They were stories told by people who had ghosted their friends or ex lovers, they said they just were not bothered with explaining to the ghostees or did not want to hurt their feelings. The article questioned their level of maturity and also questioned if this was just an easy way out for them as cowards.
I found it very interesting and it has been on my mind since then. Have I ghosted before? Absolutely Yes! Way before I even knew there was a term for the act of cutting a person off (Fine art I must say..lol). Am I a coward for ghosting? No, not a coward, anything but a coward. So why would I prefer to cut someone off completely instead of communicating ‘the issue’ with them? Well that’s an easy answer isn’t it? At that point, there really is no issue to discuss.
Grateful that thinking and processing before reacting is something I tend to spend a lot of time doing so I usually do not make rash decisions. As an introvert if i have been hanging with someone who is draining me consistently without adding much value back into our relationship…best believe a ghost session is around the corner…hahah! (I am not a drastic ghoster..Ghost’s visit don’t they? hahaha)
What happened to discussing with this person so they are aware of how their behaviour affects you? Why would you not give the person a chance to speak or explain their behaviour?
I will only consider discussing with a person if I value them. If I see the person and the relationship as healthy and beneficial to me I will have a chat with them. No one is perfect though, I have my own flaws so I tend to be very careful about this. If this person continues to behave that way what am I to do? Keep talking?
Once I have identified a relationship as toxic, or a person in my life as someone who takes out and does not add much value back and I do not see much value for me in that relationship….I will ghost that person. Taking out time to explain to this person to me is futile because my mind is already made up…It will do nothing but further drain me.
I have been a ghostee or ghosted too… Been all of a sudden dropped out of peoples lives. It was a struggle in the start understanding why but you know what? I thank them for doing that. They let me know through their actions I wasn’t wanted in their life and that is perfectly ok! After a long time I see some of these people and we say a casual hey and hi and it is beautiful! They are now someone I used to know…hahaha! Life is easy….Not everyone is going to be with you forever, we met on the journey does not mean we must travel it out together.
For me Ghosting is not a cowards way out…no! We are all grown up now and everyone is busy. We have been socialised by our family, school and in our respective places of work. Proper behaviour is something you will expect from a grown up right? So for me when someone does not behave properly and it has a negative effect, I firstly give them the benefit of doubt, try over and over again till I finally accept they are being who they are and probably have not been socialised properly.
The next question of course is, despite the negative effects on me is this relationship beneficial to me in any way? Am I gaining any value for my efforts with this person…If the answer is no…what do you expect me to do…
To Ghost or Nah…..