My friend complained to me once about how she was treated after receiving help from someone. She was very upset that this person had gone around boasting about being of assistance to her. She complained bitterly and wished she had not asked for help from this person. This [her reaction] had me thinking a lot about relationships.
We are all connected, humans. As it is we are the solution to our problems. One person is born to solve your problem or connect you to the solution. Thus there is no absolutely no way to avoid receiving help! The problem is not with you who asked for and received help, but with the person who ‘helped you not for you; but for themselves.
Not everyone who ‘helps’ you is in the end really ‘helping’ you. Sometimes they see your situation as yet another opportunity to boast about how good they are as people. The fear of someone boasting about helping me stopped me from asking for help from people a lot in the past. One day I had a good think and realised I was starting to be afraid of being looked at as someone in need and at the root of that was some pride!
It is human to need help! There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of with being in need! No one has it all figured out and even the ones who appear to, must have received some help from people on the way up. So I made up my mind to let go of pride, to embrace this aspect of my humanity! I learnt not to take offence at people who go around to boast about helping me because I realised something is lacking in their humanity! These people need to speak about their good deeds to make themselves feel good.
They have a vacuum in their lives they are trying to fill up to make them whole. Understanding this changed my feelings on this matter from anger to pity. Now when I encounter such people I ask myself these simple questions:
Was I in need of something before I asked this person? Yes!
Has my situation improved after receiving help? Yes!
Does the person have a right to boast about helping me? Well, yes! If that helps them sleep better at night.
At the end of it all… Everybody wins!